I’m
not sure why it took me so long to notice the creeping prevalence of young men
wearing flat caps on the streets of trendy London Town; indeed, I think it must
be that so many recent trends – bow ties, elbow patches, tweed jackets – seemed
to be borrowed from the Olden Days that my conscious brain eventually became
too horrified to register anyone it noticed wearing them and I began to
subconsciously block them from my vision, so when the time came that the same
offenders decided to go full out and dress like old men by adding a flat cap
into the mix I no longer noticed.
It’s
not as if the act of a young person wearing a flat cap is even that new,
though. I do believe one of the egregious characters in the Shoreditch satire
Nathan Barley wore one when that show was on back in 2005 so I assume that real
life Hoxtonites were also wearing them at the time (quite possibly thinking
they were being incredibly groundbreaking in doing do yet somehow neglecting to
take into consideration that they had previously been worn by, I don’t know,
every man who was alive in the 1920s and 1930s?).
Hats
are always a bit controversial in this day and age. You can try a baseball cap
but whilst you might think it makes you look like a hardcore gangsta rapper
from da hood it’s also a strong possibility that it will make you look like a
twat who lives with his mum. Or you could try one of those Pete Doherty hats,
which you might think makes you look like someone who lives the edgy and carefree
existence of a bohemian symbolist poet on the fringes of society, caring
nothing for the petty mores of the world and living only for art and freedom but
will more than likely make you look like a twat who lives with his mum. I did
see a man wearing a top hat the other day, which I supposed earned him some
points for originality. And it didn’t give me any clues as to whether or not he
lived with his mum.
But
anyway, I can’t see any justification why anyone would wear a flat cap unless
they were in their eighties. My reasons are thus:
1) You
will look like an old man. Remember the Top of the Pops performance featuring
Dad’s Army’s Clive Dunn performing Grandad We Love You? Well, you probably
don’t because that would make you pretty old, but it’s on Youtube. And you know
how you see archive footage from the 1920s and it’s full of men wearing flat
caps and smoking Woodbines? Plus Victor Meldrew used to wear one. And he’s an
old man. And, yes, I know Brad Pitt has been seen wearing one recently but he’s
nearly fifty so that hardly disproves my point, does it? Also, Brian Johnson of
AC/DC also wears one but, once again, he is old. So, to clarify, my point is
that flat caps should only be worn by old men.
2) Actually,
that’s the only reason.
