So, three brands, all with superficial similarities… Kind of trendy-ish, sort of East London/Shoreditch (except the Kooples, which I think may be French). But in the same way that I love Def Leppard but can’t stand any other hair metal (apart from Livin’ on a Prayer of course but, come on, we’ll take that as read), I somehow find that I really like one of them, hate another and am indifferent to the third. But there must be reasons. So I shall try to find out why.
The
one I love is Religion. Why? Everything just fits so well! I don’t need to get
stuff custom made when their stuff fits me so perfectly. It’s almost like they
design it with me in mind. I’m proud to say I have three leather jackets from
there, and the arms even taper towards the hand like my actual arms do. How did
they even know that? I also got the best pair of jeans I’ve ever had from
there. Once again, perfect. And don’t even get me started on the t-shirts.
The
funny thing is that I first discovered them in New York, in the legendary
Century 21, which, in case you don’t know, is kind of like a cool version of TK
Maxx, in that it largely seems to sell discounted stuff from previous seasons
but actually has a good range rather than row after row of polo shirts. So then
I went through the slightly odd routine of going from London to New York and
buying clothes from a company down the road from where I live and taking them
back to London. I’ve got t-shirts with more air miles than me. But I suppose
they keep it cool by only having a few outlets (even if one of them is in John
Lewis or somewhere).
Then
there’s All Saints. Now, I’ve been into their shops perhaps twenty or thirty
times but never, ever bought anything. Why? Not sure. I kind of like it and
though it’s quite expensive it’s not more so than Religion. But it’s as if,
say, their leather jackets never quite get it right. Or their suits can’t quite
decide if they want to be trendy or formal. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure I
could make up a decent look from their clothes but… I don’t know…
And
then there’s the Kooples. I mean, first of all there’s the name. What’s all
that about? How’s it even pronounced, for a start? Is it meant to be a northern
pronunciation of ‘couples’ that they’re struggled to render phonetically or is
it meant to rhyme with scruples (the way everyone I know pronounces it)? It
just doesn’t make sense.
Then
there’s the desperately-trying-to-be-cool air about them, trying to portray
themselves as edgy but doing so by having huge ads on seemingly every bus in
London. And don’t even get me started on
the Pete Doherty collaboration. I mean, really? Pete Doherty? The only people
who think he’s cool are people who were fourteen when the Libertines came out
and swore that they were inspired by them to become beatnik jazz poets but now
all work in offices. I know that for me there’s nothing more reassuring when I
buy clothes than knowing
they came about through a totally natural collaboration
between two kindred spirits, and certainly not because one of said kindred
spirits was a crackhead who urgently needed money to avoid getting a
kneecapping from the enforcers of a shady Eastern European drug lord.
Then
there are the annoyingly smug adverts. You know, the ones full of annoying
trendies with implausible names like Nast and Bambi, who presumably reflect
their target audience, which is to say dopey and gullible trustafarians happy
to blow their parents’ money on a pair of y-fronts that cost £80. I have
obviously never seen their business plan, but I reckon it went something like
this: ‘1. Make some clothes. 2. Sell them to idiots in Dalston for ten times
what they cost to make. 3. That’s it.’
