Whilst
unpredictability has never exactly been a character trait we expect from Peter
Griffin, I still fondly remember an episode of Family Guy I saw many years ago
where he notices that Happy Days is showing on TV and excitedly announces ‘Hey!
This is the one where the Fonz goes ‘Eyyy!!!!’’ Indeed, this episode sprung to
mind recently when I took the plunge and bought my first ever biker jacket.
I know that
everyone’s wearing them at the moment (of which more later) but my most
pressing concern about my purchase was this: we all know it’s scientifically
proven that if you have surgery in which you receive something transplanted
from a dead criminal (executed or otherwise) you will then find yourself
uncontrollably acting like said dead criminal, so if, for example, you were
given his corneas you will start seeing crimes he committed or if you received
his hand you’d find it would go off and try to murder people when you weren’t
looking, probably.
So, my query
is this: does the same principle apply with clothes? If you wear a garment
either owned by or closely associated with a particular person do you develop
their character traits? Specifically, is it possible to wear a biker jacket and
not walk around doing the thumbs up sign and going ‘Eyyyy!!!!’ ?
I have to
say that it’s difficult. I dare you to try it. In fact, it’s pretty much like
trying to eat a Fruit Pastille without chewing, which is to say virtually
impossible unless you’re very strong willed. (Indeed, in my case wearing a
biker jacket seemed to take over my entire personality, and before long I was
standing outside a school smoking a cigarette, looking effortlessly cool and
rebellious and just waiting for some sexy girls to notice me. However, after
four hours someone pointed out the school I happened to be outside – Eton – is in
fact a boys’ school. Who’d have known that?!?)
Still, regardless
of concerns about Fonz impersonation, my main issue with biker jackets is that
they’re very popular at the moment. Now, I know they have a timeless quality and
for decades have been worn by people who aren’t concerned with fashion but I
was worried that at the moment they’re actually too popular, to the extent that
I wondered if I should leave it in the cupboard for six months until the
trendies have grown tired of them. Basically, it’s the exact opposite of
wearing something because everyone else is. So does that make it cool or,
because you’re still choosing clothes based on what others are wearing, just as
predictable, uncool and, therefore, morally reprehensible?
Who knows. I
don’t see them going away, though. So does this mean that we’re only a few
months away from not being able to walk down the high street without being
faced by a terrifying mini-zombie apocalypse made up of teenage girls whose
biker jackets have taken over their fragile eggshell minds and led to them
collectively emitting an eerie banshee wail of ‘Eyyyyyy!!!!!!!’ ? My God.
