Biker Jackets, the Fonz, and Considerations of the Extent to Which Clothes Influence Your Personality

Whilst unpredictability has never exactly been a character trait we expect from Peter Griffin, I still fondly remember an episode of Family Guy I saw many years ago where he notices that Happy Days is showing on TV and excitedly announces ‘Hey! This is the one where the Fonz goes ‘Eyyy!!!!’’ Indeed, this episode sprung to mind recently when I took the plunge and bought my first ever biker jacket.

I know that everyone’s wearing them at the moment (of which more later) but my most pressing concern about my purchase was this: we all know it’s scientifically proven that if you have surgery in which you receive something transplanted from a dead criminal (executed or otherwise) you will then find yourself uncontrollably acting like said dead criminal, so if, for example, you were given his corneas you will start seeing crimes he committed or if you received his hand you’d find it would go off and try to murder people when you weren’t looking, probably.

So, my query is this: does the same principle apply with clothes? If you wear a garment either owned by or closely associated with a particular person do you develop their character traits? Specifically, is it possible to wear a biker jacket and not walk around doing the thumbs up sign and going ‘Eyyyy!!!!’ ?

I have to say that it’s difficult. I dare you to try it. In fact, it’s pretty much like trying to eat a Fruit Pastille without chewing, which is to say virtually impossible unless you’re very strong willed. (Indeed, in my case wearing a biker jacket seemed to take over my entire personality, and before long I was standing outside a school smoking a cigarette, looking effortlessly cool and rebellious and just waiting for some sexy girls to notice me. However, after four hours someone pointed out the school I happened to be outside – Eton – is in fact a boys’ school. Who’d have known that?!?)

Still, regardless of concerns about Fonz impersonation, my main issue with biker jackets is that they’re very popular at the moment. Now, I know they have a timeless quality and for decades have been worn by people who aren’t concerned with fashion but I was worried that at the moment they’re actually too popular, to the extent that I wondered if I should leave it in the cupboard for six months until the trendies have grown tired of them. Basically, it’s the exact opposite of wearing something because everyone else is. So does that make it cool or, because you’re still choosing clothes based on what others are wearing, just as predictable, uncool and, therefore, morally reprehensible?

Who knows. I don’t see them going away, though. So does this mean that we’re only a few months away from not being able to walk down the high street without being faced by a terrifying mini-zombie apocalypse made up of teenage girls whose biker jackets have taken over their fragile eggshell minds and led to them collectively emitting an eerie banshee wail of ‘Eyyyyyy!!!!!!!’ ? My God.