For some time now I’ve harboured a fantasy of somehow hijacking a major magazine and starting a campaign of stylistic terrorism that involves coming up with the most ridiculous fashion ideas I can possibly think of and then using my position within the magazine to convince its readers that whatever I’ve come up with, no matter how ridiculous it may be, is a genuine up-and-coming trend. One month I could tell them that the clown look is in and they should stock up on curly wigs and oversized shoes, and another I could convince them that all the celebs in LA are going crazy for luminous codpieces and that they should get one before they sell out.
I think it would be pretty easy; once in power I’d simply set up a fashion shoot with a suitably empty headed celebrity, pretend to be a leading stylist, dress the celebrity up in the ridiculous garb then run it on the fashion pages under a suitable headline like ‘OMG!!!! Pixie Lott dazzles in her luminous codpiece!!! She’s like, really cool?!!! OMG!!!!’ (I assume that anyone who works on a magazine like Cosmopolitan speaks and thinks exclusive in textspeak, with their every utterance peppered with OMG!!!s and LOL!!!s, though I confess I don’t have any concrete evidence to support this suspicion).
However, in recent months I’ve come to suspect that somebody has beaten me to this, and that cultural hackers are already working in deep cover at most, if not all, of the style magazines and fashion houses. My suspicions were initially aroused by an issue of Esquire a few months back that ran a piece that featured chav-rapper Professor Green modelling chunky knitwear, which, as far as I could tell, was meant to be taken seriously. But that was only the beginning. 
For many years now there has been a yuletide tradition of hideous sweaters being given as presents by elderly and confused relatives and the unfortunate recipients then being required to wear them for the rest of Christmas until the elderly relative has gone home and the monstrous garment can be given to a charity shop or destroyed. Now, however, it would seem that a number of shops and magazines have decided that those very jumpers are in fact now the very height of fashion and should be worn through choice rather than under extreme duress.
Whilst I would love to believe that this startling trend really is the result of the aforementioned style anarchists setting out to subvert the whole fashion industry, I have an uneasy feeling that it is not. I suspect that many people in powerful and influential positions within the fashion industry, bizarrely, believe that there is a place for such garments in civilised society.
But if you have any doubts as to whether I am right here, I have a challenge for you. This posting is decorated by various pictures of sweaters. Some of them are garments currently available from well-known high street retailers; others are ones I found photos of by Googling ‘ugly Christmas sweaters’. I have removed them from their context. Now, can you honestly say that (a) you can identify which ones are high street brands and which are sweaters your gran would buy and (b) you would actually wear any of them?
I do not believe you can. So if you open your presents on Christmas morning and are unfortunate to receive one of these, say you like it, wear it for the rest of the day but, by God, make sure it’s thrown on the fire first thing on Boxing Day.
However, in recent months I’ve come to suspect that somebody has beaten me to this, and that cultural hackers are already working in deep cover at most, if not all, of the style magazines and fashion houses. My suspicions were initially aroused by an issue of Esquire a few months back that ran a piece that featured chav-rapper Professor Green modelling chunky knitwear, which, as far as I could tell, was meant to be taken seriously. But that was only the beginning. 
For many years now there has been a yuletide tradition of hideous sweaters being given as presents by elderly and confused relatives and the unfortunate recipients then being required to wear them for the rest of Christmas until the elderly relative has gone home and the monstrous garment can be given to a charity shop or destroyed. Now, however, it would seem that a number of shops and magazines have decided that those very jumpers are in fact now the very height of fashion and should be worn through choice rather than under extreme duress.
Whilst I would love to believe that this startling trend really is the result of the aforementioned style anarchists setting out to subvert the whole fashion industry, I have an uneasy feeling that it is not. I suspect that many people in powerful and influential positions within the fashion industry, bizarrely, believe that there is a place for such garments in civilised society.
But if you have any doubts as to whether I am right here, I have a challenge for you. This posting is decorated by various pictures of sweaters. Some of them are garments currently available from well-known high street retailers; others are ones I found photos of by Googling ‘ugly Christmas sweaters’. I have removed them from their context. Now, can you honestly say that (a) you can identify which ones are high street brands and which are sweaters your gran would buy and (b) you would actually wear any of them?
I do not believe you can. So if you open your presents on Christmas morning and are unfortunate to receive one of these, say you like it, wear it for the rest of the day but, by God, make sure it’s thrown on the fire first thing on Boxing Day. 
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