When
I was out for a run the other morning I had a slightly worrying realisation
when I looked down at the all-purpose legwear that I’ve worn for pretty much
every form of exercise I’ve done in the last six years or so and experienced a
eureka moment surely worthy of the machines gaining sentience in the Matrix. ‘Hang
on…’ I thought. ‘Are these… shell suit bottoms?!?!’ Now, it’s a worrying
thought to be out in public and suddenly think you may be accidentally wearing
a shell suit but I resisted the temptation to throw them away and run home
bare-legged and instead finished my jog and went home to examine the garment
more closely.
In
hindsight, I don’t think my running trousers are made of shell suit material,
but it’s maybe a bit close for comfort. Still, it got me thinking about the
uneasy relationship that there’s often been between the worlds of fashion and
sportswear. They normally stay segregated from one another but every now and
then something from the world of sports sneaks into the world of fashion and
hangs around for a while, hoping it will fit in and become accepted before
anyone notices it’s gatecrashed the party. The shell suit tried and failed
(though let’s not forget that it was inexplicably successful for a while), as
did the bumbag (which I assume was originally worn by marathon runners and
probably still is). And I’ve a vague feeling that there was once a time when
lycra was worn by some people in a non-sporting capacity (even if it was only
at raves).
What
invariably happens is that these garments have their cover blown and are
subsequently exiled from the world of fashion so ignominiously slope back to
whence they came, in a similar way to how some UK actors occasionally find
success in America only to slink back a few years later when their popularity
has declined, to eke out a living during their twilight years in panto or
Emmerdale. A kind of collective mania seems to occasionally take over the world
and lead a large number of people to think that an item of sportswear is
acceptable attire for everyday life only for people to awake from this madness
and hastily throw away said garments, leaving them to continue to be worn only
by a few confused souls like chavs (and their all-purpose tracksuits) or portly
tourists from the American Midwest (visiting Europe resplendent in their
shellsuits and bumbags.)
Essentially
it’s a case of pieces of clothing getting ideas above their station, only to be
put firmly back in their place. The garments may have qualities that make them
ideal for sportswear but that certainly doesn’t mean they’ll automatically work
as everyday clothes. Indeed, often the qualities we value in sportswear are
exactly what prevents them from working in the everyday world. Lycra’s
stretchiness makes it ideal for, say, gymnastics, but how stretchy do you need
your clothes to be if you’re going to the pub? Plus it’s a bit tight. If you’re
out on the pull do you want everyone to see the outline of your cock and
balls?!?
I’ve
written before on how I strongly believe sportswear should ever be worn for
anything other than sports but that raises a kind of opposite question of
whether we should strive to be stylish when exercising. Personally, I don’t
think you should be too concerned about how you look when you’re doing physical
activity anyway; whilst I did trade in my formless baggy swimming shorts a few
months back for a sleeker pair, I can’t do anything about the fact that my hair
takes revenge on me whenever I subject it to a swimming pool by rearranging
itself so it sprouts off in all directions in bizarre cross between Jim
Carrey’s ‘do in Dumb and Dumber and the crazed barnet sported by Australian
comedian Yahoo Serious in the historically questionable Young Einstein. And if
you’re out running you can expect to get splattered with mud. Martial arts are
even more problematic as you’ve got blood and bruises to contend with. So I
really don’t think it’s worth it. If anything it suggests you’re not fully
committed to exercising anyway.
So
it’s pretty straightforward: there are sports clothes and there are normal
clothes and ne’er the twain shall meet. Would you wear a tuxedo to play tennis?
Probably not. But, more importantly, once you start entertaining the idea of
donning sportswear when venturing into the outside world you have to bear in
mind it’s a slippery slope. Today you might decide to nip to the corner shop in
your running gear but what’s to say that in a few weeks’ time you won’t have
decided it’s okay to pay a visit to Sainsburys wearing nothing but a pair of Speedos?
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